Life Script

2012-03-16T06:34:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I like to play "Stop This Train" alone in my room and cry. Wait, I mean "think". Yeah, "think".

2012-03-15T14:37:00.001+08:00

I really don't know what you want. Sometimes i wonder whether i'm that inferior. Okay i think about that almost all the time. But is it too much to tell whatever that's on your mind? Why make things so complicated? So complicated that i want to give up trying to understand. Probably i should just walk away from all this. Haha what should i do? You tell me.

2012-03-13T00:01:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes it's hard to say the right thingThe right way on the hardest day of your life"

Finally one ordeal is over. I'm hoping for all the strength to push myself further. I hope i can do this. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY FAEY

2012-03-11T09:08:00.001+08:00

2012-03-09T14:05:00.001+08:00

Honestly wished that everything else around me would come to a standstill:(

2012-03-09T01:34:00.001+08:00

Really leh i don't know how long i can bear with all this. All i know is,i just want to cry and cry and cry. If it can make me feel any better,why not. I need a hug i need reassurance and anyone who'll just tell me that everything's gonna be okay. Why the hell am i feeling so sad?

2012-03-07T23:33:00.002+08:00

wished you really knew

2012-03-03T13:09:00.001+08:00

"Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it. Good morning faey. Hope you gonna have a blesss weekend.rmbr Theres always light at the end of the tunnel. Youre strong. and strong ppl do cry.Cheers bud. x" - Bala's bff

Really made my day:) but i'm really tired of pretending to be strong already

2012-02-29T00:47:00.001+08:00

Agenda for today

Cry myself to sleep
Don't think about anything else and try to sleep

2012-02-27T01:27:00.001+08:00

Sometimes you just have to explore and go the distance,to get the best shots even if it means getting them alone.And i discovered somewhere new for self exploration!

2012-02-23T08:31:00.001+08:00

It's my belief that you have to, at least once, hit rock bottom to REALLY figure out where you're headed

2012-02-22T01:23:00.000+08:00

This year I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for. But, in a way, I lost even more.And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. I thought I knew you, but I guess it's easier to see what we want than to look for the truth. You think you know me, but you don't. And that means that you don't know what I can do. You see me as someone who has all the answers. That's not true. I may not always know what I'm doing, but I'll try to make things better.

2012-02-22T01:01:00.002+08:00

Perhaps, we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think about us in return.

2012-02-19T21:08:00.002+08:00

2012-02-19T16:47:00.001+08:00

Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their heads.
And i can't stand all the frustration that i feel when i can't go to sleep coz i just can't stop crying.

Back spacer

2012-02-19T00:58:00.001+08:00

I will go on and on, riding this merry-go-round of unintentional insult and misunderstanding because it gives me something to write about and that is what makes you tick, it is what that keeps you pushing yourself away from me.

2012-02-17T12:27:00.001+08:00

It feels like everything i do out of good intention is wrong,right?

2012-02-15T15:23:00.001+08:00

I'm just being there for people, because i know what it's like to have no one there for me.
A few true friends is just what i need,really

2012-02-14T22:37:00.001+08:00

It's a little bit horrifying just how everything can fall to crap. Sometimes it takes a huge loss to remind you of what you care about the most.Sometimes you find yourself becoming stronger as a result. Sometimes,but not always

2012-02-10T13:24:00.001+08:00

Friends for benefit,what's new?

2012-02-07T17:40:00.002+08:00

At times,i feel afraid to be happy cause i know it won't last leh

2012-02-07T13:47:00.002+08:00

2012-02-07T12:44:00.000+08:00

Just so you know, whatever you're going through right now is just temporary,faey. I wish someone could have told me that I did my best. But i guess enough is never enough

less than perfect

2012-02-06T12:58:00.000+08:00

swallow the fear

2012-02-06T11:12:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i just have to try hard not to care

2012-02-05T21:46:00.001+08:00

Would you choose to be honest throughout and end up losing everything or just lie your way through and not lose anything?

2012-02-01T00:32:00.001+08:00

Quit being nice to meGive me a sign that i want to believeIt tires me somehowI'm hanging by a thread literally in every situation

2012-01-31T22:39:00.001+08:00

AUDITAUDITAUDITAUDITAUDITAUDITAUDITAUDITAUDITHANGING BY A THREAD TILL VALENTINES' DAYAUDIT FOR 2 WEEKSGOOD LUCK FAEY

2012-01-29T10:38:00.000+08:00

You break down and cry and blank faces walk by
You turn on our song but I can't sing along
Now that you've seen how this life can be mean

>10

2012-01-28T22:49:00.001+08:00

Out of 10 things you say,probably 11 of them are lies.HOW?

2012-01-27T00:31:00.001+08:00

It sucks knowing that the ones you really wanted to be there the most,are literally not here for you. When things go bad, only then they'd come searching for you and question why this,why that.WHY NOW?

I know

2012-01-25T14:17:00.001+08:00

I know there is nothing in life you should take for grantedI know which battles I can fight and which ones I don’t need toI know the difference between important and irrelevantI know every second I waste, is a second I’ll never get backI know I can have scars and still be beautifulI know my life is just as valuable after cancer as it was before, even if life insurance companies feel differentlyI know the difference between romance and real loveI know that an hour in traffic is much shorter than an hour waiting for resultsI know that there is something I can learn from everything I am faced withI know true strength has nothing to do with how strong you areI know that people are all good and kind, even if sometimes we don’t all act that wayI know I’m here for a good time, not a long time, so I better make the best of itI know one day, I won’t be here, but I’m lucky to be here now

2012-01-25T08:45:00.002+08:00

I really like people with depth, I like people with emotions, I like people with a strong mind,an interesting mind,a twisted mind and probably someone who can make me laugh and smile.

I am anger

2012-01-25T00:02:00.002+08:00

I ended up feeling fed up by everything else

You imagine you went all out to care

But it's like going nowhere.

Now i don't know what i really want to do.

And i feel like crying again because i'm just too angry.

Over what? Everything.

2012-01-24T10:33:00.002+08:00

I give up trying to understand

Just gonna drop the mask

2012-01-23T09:57:00.003+08:00

Back to reality once again. Haha why is it so unfair and it seems like i've been trying way too hard. So many questions,so many expectations.

2012-01-20T01:52:00.001+08:00

To give myself a chance to rely on someone else?

Got swag or heart

2012-01-19T12:04:00.004+08:00

Right or wrong,i'm leaving it to God. What else is there for me? Am i making the right decisions that I have no single clue about? I am tired. Tired of literally everything else around me. It's always been ,"hey faey,look on the bright side. i'm sure things will get better" "this is all a test,you can overcome all this shit". Try being in my shoes and tell me WHAT ELSE CAN I DO.

It's like in every situation,i'm always torn apart. It's not entirely my fault that i chose it to be this WAY. but somehow it usually revolves around the rest of the people in my life. I try so hard to please. At the end of it all,i find myself struggling,alone. But please remember i've got heart leh.

2012-01-18T10:29:00.005+08:00

"Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.” - PS: bala's bff (i honestly think you should do the same too. But it's all up to you to decide because at the end of it, it all boils down to you and only you. But i really don't want you to be talking about death and living again,really)

I AM JUST BEING HONEST WITH EVERYTHING ELSE AROUND ME, I AM MERELY TRYING TO COPE WITH MY SITUATIONS. IF THAT'S THE CASE,I HONESTLY THINK THAT I SHOULD NOT CARE ABOUT OTHERS ANYMORE

Just bring on the god damn fight lah

270 joules me lah

2012-01-18T01:34:00.003+08:00

No matter how hard i try to run away from everything else, it still falls back to me,myself and i. I hope tomorrow will turn out better. But hey, it's pouring like crazy right now and i want everything else around me to be washed away.Yes,washed away

2012-01-15T23:56:00.001+08:00

Note to self: don't get too angry already lah,faey

PS: Happy birthday Papa, wherever you are.

Happy birthday KorKor, thanks for being the best bruddder!

2012-01-15T19:50:00.002+08:00

Have you ever felt like crying and you totally have no idea what you are angry about?

Well,i'm feeling like that right now

2012-01-15T05:29:00.000+08:00

There was a time when I gave a damn bout lots of things, not anymore

Really

2012-01-13T23:04:00.000+08:00

It's so much easier to say hi to you in my head

A thread hangs me

2012-01-12T06:24:00.001+08:00

I can't sleep...I feel so heavy hearted. It's stressing me out:(
Balancing on a thin line between what's good and what's not

2012-01-10T16:30:00.001+08:00

i'm just a bad trip

2012-01-10T07:35:00.001+08:00

If running kills everything, i'd rather just keep on going and run till i become nothing

Alot of change is starting to sink in for 2012

2012-01-08T20:25:00.004+08:00

It's about high time that i listen to myself.

I don't care if it's right, I care if it's you.

And hey i made a new discovery today.

:)

2012-01-08T18:20:00.008+08:00

"Beautiful morning faey. You'll be fine today. Its gonna be a good day. Dont let the society take you down. Youre strong. Godspeed" - bala's bff

It's nice knowing that you're always there. It's really nice. Thank you.

And you should not be dampened by everything else around you. I know for sure that you are strong too:) and you've got my back always.

2012-01-06T23:40:00.001+08:00

Goodnight faey, you'll be fine

Back to square one

2012-01-06T20:28:00.001+08:00

Nursing a fever again -.- and my nosebleeds are back hahahaha

Am i gonna die or what

Fix me

2012-01-05T00:58:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i just tire people out.

I'll try to fix myself.

2012-01-03T13:47:00.001+08:00

I just want to be far away,

Away from everything else

2012-01-01T08:45:00.003+08:00

Dear ________,you are one of the many people that I've regretted meeting this year. Out of my life in 2012,you shall be.

Continuous cycle

2011-12-28T12:13:00.003+08:00

I'm afraid because it's happening all over again. I'm not asking for all of these. It's too much really i just want to cry and cry and hope that i don't have to go through the same old cycle,once more.

2011-12-28T01:25:00.002+08:00

I think i need to just, let go of everything. Literally everything. Everytime

I turn around if there's anyone who's got my back..there is practically no one.

I am tired of everything else around me. If things decide to change,probably i should too

2011-12-26T21:04:00.002+08:00

"Sad to see that you've stopped trying"

Really? I did?

"Just know that I'm here,

and I'll always be there for you even through your hardest times"

I wish it actually happens

Trust issues

2011-12-25T21:07:00.004+08:00

So you want me to tell you something about myself? I don't have anything to say. Even if I did,you'd be wrong to believe me. Trust is a lie. Nobody ever knows any more.

Like that ah?

2011-12-24T11:03:00.001+08:00

I die a little more inside

Messy ah

2011-12-20T23:14:00.001+08:00

I am still feeling so messed up but i'm still good.
To those who don't believe chances,up yours lah.

Anyway i'm still a mess

We meet again insomnia

2011-12-17T10:13:00.004+08:00

Haha my eyebags are multiplying like crazy. Nursing a fever for the past week and i truly am feeling like an old lady already.Spent 2 nights,staying up and analyzing a journal article for my presentation next week.I am so nervous for it,so many thoughts in my head!!!

And it's Diyana's baby shower today and i can't wait to meet up with the good old homies. Year end party tomorrow with the patients and movie marathon with the colleagues.

It's somehow quite funny that people start paying attention to you when you're silent

2011-12-14T23:05:00.000+08:00

"And try crying . It's a good way to say that you physically had enough"

Okay i had enough for today and i seriously need to cry

Unexpected

2011-12-12T21:14:00.004+08:00

The unexpected phonecalls really made today feel a lil better.

I almost lost it at work again.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME

And it's about high time that i should stop expecting for things to happen

2011-12-11T13:43:00.002+08:00

Suck it up suck it up suck it up

I don't bother anymore

Anyway i'll be stuck at work on a sunday afternoon working on a project

And this sucks even more

2011-12-11T11:36:00.001+08:00

It's more than 'a word', it changes what i hear and what i've heard..what we are and what we once were

2011-12-10T16:57:00.000+08:00

Lost voices

2011-12-08T16:32:00.001+08:00

Now that everything has turned totally awkward

2011-12-07T23:28:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when you care about someone a lot you just know you will make some kind of mistake and you end up losing the person you care the most about.But if you're lucky,you might get a second chance

2011-12-04T01:02:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i wish you didn't tell me everything

Sometimes i wish i didnt know everything about you

Sometimes i wish you actually know what you mean when you're saying something

Sometimes i really wish you knew all this

Through all the lights

2011-11-30T11:05:00.004+08:00

Somewhere along the line,I started hurting the people I care most about, and I can't figure out how to stop.

Here's to more tests coming along the way. i don't know how long i can do this.

"Most people are stronger than they know. They just forget to believe in it sometimes."

I didn't forget. I just lost it.

2011-11-26T21:40:00.003+08:00

Torn between having to tell and starting to accept it.

And i really thank god, that it was all a scare. It was pretty tough having to distract my mind away from everything else.

Hongkong was good and thank you nj. Definitely made me feel a whole lot better❤

And to you: thanks for being there,always

2011-11-26T10:11:00.000+08:00

It's hard to lose somebody. I spent a lot of time searching for reasons or answers. But you can’t find what’s not there. It just happened.

2011-11-11T13:13:00.001+08:00

learn from yesterday

live for today

hope for tomorrow

love all

trust few

do wrong to no one

always love, hate will get you every time

2011-11-09T18:30:00.001+08:00

I feel like a clogged up sink,

Everything's just like word vomit

2011-11-09T18:25:00.002+08:00

That's the problem with secrets.like misery, they love company. They pile up and up until they take over everything, until you don't have room for anything else, until you're so full of secrets you feel like you're going to burst.

"your overlooked chance might be your lifetime chance"

2011-11-07T10:32:00.003+08:00

Sometimes you can give me all the strength i could get. but you could be my weakness too.

It's what everybody's been saying,"you'll feel better" , and "don't worry" and "this is all fine". In fact it's not lohhhhhhh

Whirlwind

2011-10-31T05:39:00.002+08:00

The past week's been a lil crazy. And i can't wait to happily welcome november with open arms!!! But it's just the last 2 weeks of november. Been holding up too much medical drama and the mad drama from my life.

I hope november's plans will happen:)

Seriously you'd never know when you've had too much

It's an early morning shift today and i hope it'll all be good today.

2011-10-28T00:56:00.000+08:00

Motivation: zero

When in doubt, just mumble lah

2011-10-24T10:44:00.001+08:00

I need you so much closer

2011-10-23T10:36:00.000+08:00

I've wasted so much time and effort on something that im not sure myself.

Now... Im gonna stop thinking and not do anything.

THAT'S IT.

2011-10-19T21:55:00.001+08:00

Everything is going to be okay,faey.i have written those words so many times but for the first time in my life, those words mean something different. because every other time, i was only trying to convince myself of something i didn’t believe. but now i know, i will be okay.

So if you see me, don't pretend to ask how am i? just give me a hug. i really need it

2011-10-19T17:10:00.000+08:00

when you think everything's gone wrong and everything just decides to blow up
in your face

2011-10-18T23:26:00.000+08:00

Just trying to be as honest as i can be

2011-10-18T11:17:00.001+08:00

It may be the best for me but somehow it still hurts the same

2011-10-18T09:03:00.003+08:00

Ahh, it's back to square one once again. Haha, guess a run would probably subside this fever. This is super weird. Hahahaha

The long bus ride home last night got me thinking...

Alah I shall happily go for a run right now and hope my nose doesn't bleed suddenly

This is weird, just too weird

2011-10-17T20:33:00.000+08:00

"Let go when you're hurting too much, give up when love isn't enough, and move on when things arent like before. Surely there is someone out there who will love you more"

:(

expect me

2011-10-17T09:46:00.002+08:00

I am giving up,not on life itself lah.But,on people. I'm done sitting right here pleasing everyone.People push me so hard and when i do what they want,it's still not enough.That's when they start to pull. They pull because what i did wasn't enough and they needed to pry. That's not how life should be.So when i seem like giving up,i really AM giving up.People need to learn not to expect anything from anyone because when you don't expect,you don't face disappointments. And it's all so obvious that i'm a big disappointment.

Up those who don't believe in chances

2011-10-12T08:24:00.003+08:00

I always try to be away
So that i'll get used to this anyway
But you're always there
I want you to be there just for yourself

And i thought you didn't believe in chances at all.
Do you still believe in that?

I really don't know what else to do

Whatever happens, happens

2011-10-11T09:54:00.001+08:00

Funny how i thought things will change. Here i am fighting for my life but you're happily wasting it

Stone cold.

2011-10-11T00:57:00.000+08:00

You are colder than I expected

2011-10-09T01:21:00.002+08:00

Do you really care?

If i had a choice, i would kill. Really

Not as blunt as a 21g needle

2011-10-06T22:46:00.003+08:00

Nursing a fever on an off day
And with everything else that's happening around me..
How long can i actually last

2011-10-06T13:26:00.001+08:00

Etc.

2011-10-05T05:24:00.002+08:00

Everything's taken to a whole new level, things become so awkward too.
I am still getting used to all the ups and down of this whole medical drama situation.

I thought i almost lost someone like how i used to despite the many stuffs we tried to revive
I thought i almost lost a friend

And hahaha sometimes it makes me wonder whether i've lost myself in all these

Just so you know

2011-10-04T01:06:00.002+08:00

I'm done being an option instead of being a priority to the ones that i put first.i don't need anyone who doesn't fucking need me

Experimental shooting

2011-10-03T14:11:00.002+08:00

Can't wait to snap snap snap on my own
3 more working days
I can do this

It'll all be good on thursday:)
Hang on, faey

2011-10-03T11:08:00.004+08:00

Honestly

2011-10-03T09:31:00.000+08:00

What doesn't kill me just makes me wish I was dead

2011-10-03T04:55:00.002+08:00

I guess i just let people walk all over me, almost all the time. How much longer can i actually do this to myself?
And just how much longer do you wanna do this to me?

But sometimes, you have to jump off a bridge and hope like hell that you learn to fly on your way down. Just so you know, I really hope god will make things a little easy for me

2011-10-02T20:23:00.000+08:00

rescue me from my doubts and insecurities
it's been too much,really